


Endless Supplies of Coffee, Unyielding Devotion, and Other Miracles

by MelodramaticCoffeeAddict



Series: Other Things [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: All Of The Cuddles, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, I should be writing my Nano Novel, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Sanji is a good boyfriend, Vivi is a good friend, Zoro is a good uncle, oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 18:08:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16602983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodramaticCoffeeAddict/pseuds/MelodramaticCoffeeAddict
Summary: Sleep is Zoro's enemy. Coffee is Zoro's best friend. Now, if only he could get his shitty cook boyfriend to understand that, all would be right with the world. With the anniversary of his sister's death on the horizon, Zoro figures he'll need lots of coffee to get Chopper through some sleepless nights. He didn't plan on being the one with all the problems.





	Endless Supplies of Coffee, Unyielding Devotion, and Other Miracles

**Author's Note:**

> And we are back with the Other Things Series for ZoSan week!

Zoro demands a refund on his friends. They’re loud. Demanding. And eating him out of house and home. Not that he doesn't love them, because he kind of does. Though, Zoro would never tell them that to their faces. They might take it as a go-ahead for spending even more time at his apartment. Which would be hard to do, since they all practically live there already.

Live. And drink. And eat.

Tell him how to live. And eat. And what to drink.

“Damn it, Zoro, we talked about the coffee,” Sanji growls as he stalks through the doorway.

Zoro glances up from his textbook to shrug. “Last test.”

“Have you eaten yet today?”

Zoro pauses. Furrows his brow in thought. He's fairly sure he's eaten today. The day follows the pattern of the rest of midterm week. He woke up, made Chopper breakfast, let his nephew feed him a few forkfuls, put Chopper on the bus, made a pot of coffee and then studied until he ran out of coffee. Made another pot and settled in to study again.

“A little breakfast.” Zoro forces his burning eyes down to his history textbook again. “How was your test?”

His question is ignored. “It’s quarter after two! You haven't eaten since seven, have you?”

Zoro shrugs and flips to the page on the decline of the Egyptian Civilization.

Sanji growls and stalks into the kitchen. “I swear, you’d starve if it wasn't for me. Put that book down before you ruin your eyes. How long have you been studying?”

“Put Chopper on the bus.” Zoro yawns.

Coffee makes people feel awake his ass. Six cups of coffee in and Zoro still feels like he needs a three day nap.

“Christ. Did you sleep last night?” Sanji pulls the book from his hands and forces his chin up. “You didn't, did you?”

“A little.”

“Don’t tell me we’re going to have this fight again.”

“What fight?” Zoro asks as his Sanji walks back to the kitchen. “Hey, I need that book. I'm studying!”

“The “you're burning yourself out” talk.” Sanji drops the book on the counter and dumps the leftover coffee down the drain. “Nami might up your debt if she finds out.”

“I'm not burning myself out,” Zoro growls as he scrambles up. “Quit bossing me around, shitty cook.”

“You went to work from four to midnight last night. Studied with me and Usopp until three, got up with Chopper and seven and you haven't gone back to bed. You're burning yourself out.” Sanji frowns at him. “How are you going to feel if Chopper sees you pass out again?”

“It was one time!” Zoro snaps. “And it wasn't my fault. _Usopp_ hit me in the head with a control paddle.”

Sanji’s face remains remarkably straight. “Yes, and Chopper was terrified. Imagine how he feel if its because you did it to yourself.”

“I hate you.”

Sanji smiles as he sits at the table. Kisses his head as he moves to the fridge. “No, you don't.”

No, he doesn't. Not that he’ll ever tell the cook that.

“When can I have my book back?”

“When you learn to study responsibly.”

“Our test is tomorrow!”

Sanji shrugs. Balances an armful of food over to the stove. “Learn fast.”

 

They celebrate the end of midterms the same as they celebrate anything else. Vivi, Nami, Usopp and Sanji bring extra blankets, pillows and movies. Sanji raids his father’s restaurant for the proper supplies to make a feast. Then they drag the mattresses into the living room, eat and watch a movie until they all fall asleep.

Chopper sleeps soundest on those nights. Snuggled between Zoro and Sanji. Exhausted from a night of happiness and excitement.

 

“Lunch?”

Chopper thrusts up his lunchbox with a wide grin. Sanji’s spectacular lunch packed inside. Now that classes are out for fall break, the cook lives at the house. Makes lunches for Chopper the night before school and has breakfast ready before Zoro even rolls out of bed.

“Doctor?”

A furious nod.

Zoro squats down and opens his arms. “Hug for Uncle Zoro?”

Chopper hugs him tightly. Nuzzles his nose against Zoro’s collarbone. Zoro kisses his head and smooths out his hair before he leans back. Bops Chopper’s nose with the tip of his finger, like Kuina once did.

“I should be back from work in time to get you off the bus. But, if I'm not, Vivi will be here, alright?”

Chopper nods again and straightens his backpack as the bus pulls to a stop beside them. Zoro smiles and ruffles his hair.

“Love you, kiddo.”

Chopper beams up at him. Hugs Zoro’s leg one last time before he scrambles up onto the bus. Zoro waits until the bus rounds the corner to wander back up to the apartment. Bacon sizzles on the stove. Coffee fills the air.

“You're too good to me,” Zoro mumbles as he slides into a kitchen chair.

Sanji chuckles and places a mug of coffee in front of him. “I know,” he whispers, placing a kiss on Zoro’s temple.

“SANJI!” Luffy cries. Rockets into the room with a grin. “Breakfast!”

“Get out of here, you shithead!” Sanji snaps.

Zoro takes a sip of the coffee and huffs out a laugh.

 

Zoro barely makes it back from work in time to get Chopper off the bus. Sanji’s at work for at least two more hours and Luffy’s at Usopp’s to play video games for the next few hours. So, it's just the two of them for a few hours. Which, Zoro’s okay with. He and Chopper haven't had a day together - just the two of them - for months. Since Zoro blew up at the rest of the group.

His nephew jumps off the bus with a wide grin and throws himself at Zoro in a tight hug, piece of paper clenched in his hand. Zoro laughs. Scoops Chopper up and carries him up to the apartment.

“Well, hello to you, too. Good day at school?”

Chopper nods energetically and thrusts the paper at him. Zoro blinks at it and takes it from his hand go look down at the paper.

_Happy Birthday Uncle Zoro_ , the page reads. Crayon colored balloons and candles and a birthday cake. Zoro’s get freeze inside the doorway and he stares at the paper for a long minute. Then his eyes move to the calendar Sanji insists he tick days off on.

November eleventh. Today is November eleventh. Zoro’s birthday.

His lips part. Tears prick at his eyes. Then he forces a smile on his face to look down at the young boy in his arms.

“Thanks, Chopper.”

Chopper snuggles close. Hugs him tight. After a short pause, Zoro remembers how to walk again. Chopper remains curled against his chest as he carries the young boy into the apartment. He places the card on his bedside table. He’d store it with the others later.

If Zoro had his way, he'd get rid of any trace of his damned birthday. But it would break Chopper's heart.

“Alright, little man. How about a movie and some popcorn?”

Chopper blinks and points toward the kitchen. A sure sign that he’s asking for the cook.

“He'll be over late,” Zoro says, scooping his nephew up. “I wanted to spend my birthday with my favorite person.”

Chopper beams at the lie.

“What movie are we gonna watch?”

 

Sanji shows up around nine-thirty. By the, Chopper is passed out, tucked in Zoro's side, and Zoro's barely awake himself. The cook greets him with a kiss and asks if he wants dinner in a soft whisper.

Zoro shakes his head and mumbles bed instead. Sanji doesn't argue. Just helps him gather Chopper up and get both of them settled in bed.

“You two must have had a busy day,” Sanji whispers as he settles into bed, nose buried in Zoro's shoulder.

Zoro hums, too exhausted to do anything else. Behind him, Sanji chuckles.

“Go to sleep, Marimo.”

Zoro sleeps.

 

Zoro wakes up in dark quiet with sweat soaking his body. His heart thunders in his chest. Fear claws at his bones. His head and knee drum with pain. Ghost pain. Pain that isn't real but feels so real. Like its just happened.

His body jerks. Releases a broken sob without his permission.

“Zoro?” Sanji's soft voice brushes against his ear.

Zoro flinches.

“Hey.” Sanji rubs his arm. “Its okay. It was just a dream.”

Zoro shudders. Shakes out of his boyfriend’s grip. It feels wrong. Comfort. Understanding. Compassion. It feels wrong. He doesn't deserve it.

“Zoro.” Sanji sounds hurt. His fingers brush Zoro's arm again.

“Don't.” Zoro's voice is weak. Broken. He winces away. “Don’t, please. I don't. I can't.”

His breath comes harder. He can’t speak. Can't think. Can't understand.

“Zoro.” Sanji's hands appear in his. “Hey. Tell me five things you see.”

Five things he sees? The cook is out of his damn mind. Zoro can’t breathe, let alone see.

“Zoro,” Sanji repeats, voice firm but calm. “Tell me five things you see.”

“You,” Zoro forces out around a shuddering gasp.

“Good. What else?”

Zoro’s eyes roam. “Ki-kitchen light,” he stutters out. Sees Sanji nod encouragingly. “The window.”

“Good. Two more things.”

“You.” He knows he's repeating things but its dark and Sanji is all he can really see. All he can think.

“Four things you can hear.”

“Your voice. My-my breath. The cars outside. Luffy. Luffy's snoring.”

“Good.” Even in the darkness, Zoro can see Sanji smile. “That's good, Zoro. Three things you can feel.”

“Your hands. They're cold. The. The blankets.”

Breathes get easier. Sanji’s fingers brush through his hair. Zoro doesn't flinch.

“I'm okay,” Zoro whispers.

“Yeah, you're okay. Bad dream?”

“Yeah,” Zoro admits.

Sanji nods and kisses his cheek. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Zoro shakes his head. “I don’t remember it.”

It isn’t a lie. He doesn't remember the dream. But the ghost pains still racking his body tell him what it was about.

Kuina. Her name burns Zoro's brain. Makes his heart ache wildly.

Sanji nods. “Alright. Let's go back to sleep.”

Kuina. Now that she’s in his brain, she won't leave. Just keep coming back. Making him wake in sweat and fear.

“In a minute. I'm gonna grab a drink,” Zoro whispers.

If he stays in bed with Sanji, he’ll only keep the cook awake.

“Alright,” Sanji agrees. Lets Zoro slip out of the bed as he snuggle back beneath the blankets.

Nerves shake Zoro as he steps into the living room. He pads across the floor carefully, tries to avoid running into anything without turning the lights on. He makes it to the coffee pot without much of a problem.

Hopefully, it will keep him awake. At least until his brain decides to calm itself. To stop seeing his sister, still and bloody. Stop hearing Chopper’s screams from the waiting room.

A shiver runs through his body and he squeezes his eyes shut. Stop. He's got to stop thinking about that. Otherwise, he's going to end up screaming himself awake for nights on end. Traumatizing Chopper more. Making Sanji and Luffy unable to sleep. And probably grumpy.

He has to stop.

The coffee helps a bit. So does sitting in hard kitchen chair. Turning on the light over the sink and going through random things.

The list of books he needs for next semester. The list of things Chopper needs for the Thanksgiving party kindergarten is throwing in two weeks. Makes a grocery list. Starts making a Christmas list for Chopper. He should make one for everyone else too.

His friends are the type of people who get each other Christmas presents, right?

Shit. Zoro's going to have to pick up more shifts if he’s going to play Santa for more than one person.

The sun peeks through the window when the bedroom door creaks open. Sanji sticks his head out, blonde hair sticking up in many directions and sleep clearly in his eyes.

“What are you doing up?” Sanji asks as he crosses to join him, frowning down at the coffee. “Have you been up since last night?”

Zoro shrugs. Swallows a yawn. “I guess.”

“Why the hell didn't you come back to bed?”

“I wasn’t tired.”

“Bullshit.” Apparently, Sanji isn’t putting up with any fibs.

“Don’t worry about it.” Zoro looks back down at his half made list.

“Zoro.” Sanji's voice remains firm. “We've talked about this. If you want to be in a relationship, you have to act like we're in a relationship.”

“I am,” Zoro protests.

“Bullshit,” Sanji repeats. “People in relationships talk about things.”

“Like what?”

Maybe he should get the cook a muzzle for Christmas.

“Like having panic attacks. Or why they stayed up all night. Or how it's their birthday.”

Zoro’s mouth snaps shut as Sanji glared down at him.

“Chopper made a nice card.” The cook's voice softens.

Guilt swirls around him and Zoro averts his eyes. He never meant to hurt Sanji’s feelings but Zoro isn’t sure he could stomach pretending to be happy on such an awful day. Pretending to be happy that he's the one alive. And, if Sanji knew why Zoro hated his birthday, he'd wanted nothing to do with Zoro.

Selfish as it was, Zoro didn't want to lose Sanji yet.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sanji asks.

“It isn’t a big deal,” Zoro insists.

“It’s your birthday!”

“Keep your voice down. You’ll wake Chopper up.”

Sanji rolls his eyes. “That child could sleep through the apocalypse.”

Zoro sighs and looks down at his coffee mug. Before he can bring the mug up to his lips, and finish the rest of the bitter drink, Sanji snatches it away from him.

“No more coffee,” Sanji snaps. “Where do you keep getting it? I swear I’ve thrown out three pounds already.”

“I know.” Zoro glares at him. “I wish you’d stop doing that. I have to keep buying more.”

“You need to stop drinking this shit, Zoro. You need real sleep. You look like shit.”

“Who are you, my mother?” Zoro tries to snatch the mug back. Sanji moves it out of his grasp. “Give that back.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Sanji, I’m not kidding. Give me my fucking coffee.”

“You might actually get some sleep at night if you didn’t drink this shit all day.”

He wouldn’t. And he doesn’t need it. Zoro is doing perfectly fine drinking as much coffee as he’d like to. Sleep has proven to be nothing helpful. It brings him bad dreams. Ghost pains. It wakes his boyfriend up. And, it will probably wake Chopper up. Which is the last thing Zoro wants to do. Chopper needs sleep. He has school in the mornings. And doesn’t need to be more traumatized because Zoro got upset over a little dream.

“I have work tonight,” Zoro says. “Give me back my coffee.”

“You don’t need coffee. You need sleep.”

“I’m not tired.”

Sanji glares at him. His hand shakes around the mug. “Fine.” He puts the mug down in front of Zoro. “Fine.”

Without another word, he snatches his coat and disappears out the front door. Zoro sighs and pulls his mug close. Sanji will get over it. He hopes. _Really_ hopes.

“Shit,” he breathes. He probably fucked it up again. “Shit.”

 

“Zoro didn’t tell us it was his birthday.”

Luffy’s awake when Zoro gets home from work. Not that he’s surprised to see the younger man sitting on the couch, game paddle in hand. Usopp’s passed out beside him. Which is a little surprising because Usopp can normally last past two in the morning.

“Luffy, I’m not in the mood,” Zoro mumbles.

His head screams in protest. Eyes fall closed when he stops concentrating on keeping them open. He feels Luffy’s gaze follow him into the kitchen as he searches the cupboards.

“Sanji took the coffee and the coffee pot too.”

“Son of a bitch.” Zoro slams the cupboard door.

Rage swirls through him. Probably for no reason. Beyond all the irrational anger, Zoro knows it was done out of concern. If Sanji refused to sleep, Zoro would be a little concerned too. But, right now, he’s exhausted. And coffee may cure that.

Usopp yelps his way into the land of the awake again.

“Zoro.” Luffy scowls at him. “Chopper’s sleeping.”

“Fucking cook.”

Zoro snatches up his coat again. The twenty-four hour coffee shop is only a ten minute walk. He can make that.

“Zoro,” Luffy growls again, before he can reach the door.

Zoro spins back to face him. “What?”

“No more coffee.”

“You’re not my fucking mother, Luffy. Don’t act like it.”

“Easy, Zoro,” Usopp says softly. “You’re overreacting, don’t you think?”

“Shut the fuck up, Usopp.”

“Hey, what did I do?”

“Zoro.” Luffy’s eyebrows narrow.

Another order to shut the hell up sits on Zoro’s tongue. He swallows it when the bedroom door squeaks open. Chopper peaks out, eyes wide with terror. His eyes move around the small apartment. Searching for an extra presence.

Zoro grounds his teeth together and lets out a long breath. “Hey, Chopper,” he says once he can let his jaw relax. “It’s alright, buddy. Go back to bed.”

Chopper shakes his head and hurries over to latch onto Zoro’s leg. Zoro lets out a long sigh. Big brown eyes stare up at him. Terror wafts off the small boy. Desperate for the protection of Zoro’s arms.

“Alright, alright.”

It takes more effort than it should to keep his temper in check. Normally, Chopper is immune to Zoro’s temper. But tonight, tonight every noise, every movement drives Zoro mad. He bends and picks Chopper up, settling the young boy on his hip. Chopper clings to him and buries his nose in Zoro’s collarbone.

“Come on, I’ll get you settled in bed.”

Usopp and Luffy watch him cross into their bedroom. He swings the door close. Forces himself not to slam it like he wants to. Chopper whines as Zoro places him in the bed. Clings to any part of Zoro he can reach and tries to pull him onto the bed as well.

“Chopper, come on, cut it out. I’ve gotta go.”

Tears build in Chopper’s eye as he latches onto Zoro’s arm and gives him a hard tug.

“Chopper, hey.” Zoro steadies himself but doesn’t shake himself loose again. “Alright. Alright. Just, let me get into some pajamas, alright.”

Chopper sits on the edge of the bed. Watching him carefully as he sheds his work clothes and slips into a pair of sweats and t-shirt. The moment Zoro sits on the bed, Chopper crawls onto his lap again. Zoro barely bites back an annoyed sigh.

It isn’t Chopper’s fault he’s over tired. It isn’t Chopper’s fault he screwed things up with Sanji. Chopper just wants to feel safe. That’s the only thing Zoro can really give to him. Sanji gives him food. Luffy helps give him a roof over his head. And Zoro, all Zoro can do is make sure Chopper doesn’t feel scared.

“Come here.” Zoro shifts them on the bed and pulls the blankets up. “I’m sorry I woke you up, buddy. I didn’t mean it.”

Chopper snuggles close to him. A silent acceptance of his apology.

Zoro kisses the top of his head. “I love you.”

Chopper squeezes him in a tight hug.

Despite his best efforts, with the warmth of the blankets and the comfort of the bed, Zoro’s eyes fall close. Exhaustion slams into him. Hammers away at any part of consciousness that he can cling to. With Chopper’s soft breathing in his ear, Zoro surrenders to sleep.

 

“Zoro!” Luffy’s voice yelling his name breaks through the black first.

Panic slams into his chest and he rips himself free of Luffy’s grip to slam himself against the wall. Searches for the comfort of something solid against his back. Zoro’s chest heaves as he struggles to catch his breath and calm down. Vaguely, he’s aware of soft sobs from across the room.

Flashes hit him. Too many flashes. They steal his breath. Make his heart race.

Zoro pulls his knees to his chest and covers his head with both arms. Tries desperately to breath.

“Zoro.” Luffy continues to speak softly. “It’s alright.”

Soft fingertips brush Zoro’s arm. He slams into the wall again in his haste to get away from the touch.

His stomach churns. Throat aches as he hyperventilates. In the back of his mind, he hears Usopp and Luffy talking. Though, he can’t force his brain to focus on what they’re saying. Can’t get his heart to calm down. Or his hands to stop shaking.

The wall stays cool again his back.

“Zoro,” Luffy says again, once Zoro finally manages a single deep breath.

“I’m fine,” Zoro mumbles. Keeps his head buried in his arms. “I’m fine.”

“Zoro.” Luffy’s hand brushes Zoro’s arm. “Look at me.”

His hands continue to tremble as he lowers his arms. Luffy stares at him, eyes full of concern. Behind him, Zoro sees an empty room.

“Chopper,” Zoro forces out.

“Usopp took him into the kitchen for coco,” Luffy says. “He was scared.”

Zoro nods. Scrubs a hand down his face to wipe away some of the tears that had escaped without his permission. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Luffy frowns at him. “Is this why Zoro’s been drinking so much coffee? He doesn’t want to have bad dreams?”

Yes. Not that Zoro wants to admit that. How utterly pitiful would that look? Too afraid to nightmares to allow himself to sleep. God, they’ll all think he’s pathetic. Won’t want anything to do with him.

“Chopper,” Zoro mutters again.

“Usopp’s taking care of Chopper,” Luffy says. “Right now, we’re gonna take care of Zoro.”

“I’m fine.”

“It’s okay not to be fine.” Luffy inches a bit closer. “Zoro’s allowed to need help.”

No, no he’s not. Zoro should be able to take care of Chopper. He got them into this mess. Everything that’s happened to Chopper is _Zoro_ ’s fault. He made this mess. He needs to clean that mess up. On his own. No one else should have to put up with his problems.

“Zoro isn’t alone anymore,” Luffy whispers. “We can help.”

“I’m fine.”

Luffy’s frown deepens but he nods. “Should we let Chopper come back in?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m gonna go get some coffee.”

 

Zoro’s barely gotten Chopper on the bus and sat down to start looking at his list of things to do when Sanji barges in. The cook walks in armed with grocery bags and a scowl. Zoro groans and pulls his coffee mug closer to him.

“Put that away, put on some sweats and get your ass on the couch,” Sanji orders. “And, yes, I am playing your mother today.”

Zoro blinks up at him slowly. “I'm busy.”

“Zoro,” Sanji sighs. “We need to talk about-”

About breaking up. Because no one in their right mind would stay with Zoro. Especially after what a mess he's proven himself to be. Throwing temper tantrums like a child.

“It’s fine,” Zoro says, staring down at his mug. “No one’s gonna be upset.”

Sanji blinks at him as he begins to unpack the grocery bags. “What would the others be upset about?”

Zoro can’t find the energy to reply. He keeps his gaze on his coffee mug.

“Hey.” Sanji abandons his grocery bags to take the seat beside him. “Zoro, please, _please_ , talk to me.”

“You're gonna dump me,” Zoro mumbles. “I'm a pain in the ass. And I'm. I'm no good for you.”

“Hey.” Sanji snatches his hand up, cutting him off. “What are you on about? I'm not breaking up with you.”

Zoro stares at him. “You're not.”

“No. God, Zoro, every couple fights. And, yeah, you really pissed me off. But that's going to happen. And I'm gonna piss you off too. But just because I'm pissed doesn't mean I'm going to break up with you.”

It's the exhaustion, Zoro tells himself. Exhaustion is the reason Zoro’s jaw starts to tremble and tears gather in his eyes. Sanji's face softens in concern. One hand reaches out to cup Zoro's cheek.

“Hey,” Sanji whispers. “What's wrong?”

Zoro shakes his head.

“Zoro. Hey, talk to me.”

“I'm tired.” The truth spills past his lips.

He's tired. Exhausted.

“I know you are.” Sanji kisses his forehead. “Do you have work tonight?”

Zoro shakes his head.

“Okay, good. You and I are going to go curl up in bed, alright?” Sanji kisses the top of his head. “Let me finish putting away the groceries. Are you hungry?”

Zoro shakes his head again. His stomach churns at the thought of food.

“Have you had anything other than coffee today?”

Again, Zoro shakes his head. He could lie to the cook. But, Sanji had become surprisingly good at reading him. And Zoro doesn't have the energy to lie. At least to lie good enough to get away with it.

“Alright.” Sanji digs through the bag and pulls out and orange. “Eat this while I finish the groceries okay?”

Zoro does so. Makes no protest when Sanji takes his coffee and dumps it down the drain. He finishes the orange about the time Sanji puts away the groceries and allows his boyfriend to pull him into the bedroom and strip his jeans off.

“Set an alarm,” Zoro mutters. “I don’t wanna sleep past the bus.”

Sanji hums as he man handles him into the bed. “I'll make sure someone gets Chopper off the bus.”

Sleep nudges at Zoro's mind. Tries to creep in as Sanji settles beside him and wraps an arm around his waist.

“No,” Zoro mumbles, struggling to sit up. “I gotta wait until Chopper gets off the bus.”

If he sleeps now, he'll probably just wake up screaming again. Sanji doesn't need to deal with that.

“I'll get Chopper off the bus,” Sanji insists. “Lay down. You're exhausted.”

“No. I'm fine. I'll wait.”

“Zoro,” Sanji sighs. He sits up and stares into Zoro's eyes. “Talk to me. What is going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Then lay down and go to sleep.”

“No. No. I can wait.”

“Zoro.”

“I'm fine!”

“Fucking Christ, Zoro. _Talk_ _to me!_ ”

“I'm not tired.” Zoro moves away from his touch. “I'm fine.”

He can see Sanji’s temper rising. Which is good. So good. If he pushes Sanji off enough, he'll leave. Then Zoro can take a quick nap without making himself look like even more of an idiot.

“Lay. Down.”

“I'm not tired. I just need some coffee.”

“No more fucking coffee! Lay down!” Sanji shoots off the bed to pace. “Just, God. Why do you have to be so fucking difficult? Why do I have to like _you_? God, I just-I just can't with you.”

“Then go,” Zoro mutters.

“If you want to break up with me, grow a pair and do it. Don't try to piss me off until _I_ break up with you.”

“I don’t want to break up with you.”

He doesn't. Everything up till now has been good. Sure, they both get snippy sometimes. But that keeps things interesting. Otherwise, Sanji makes Zoro laugh and smile. Helps him with Chopper and dinners. Everything he's done up until now was to _keep_ Sanji. Convincing him to leave now is supposed to _keep_ him.

“Then what is wrong with you?”

“I want Kuina!”

Sleep deprivation has really gotten to him. Spilling out any thought that pops into his head.

Sanji pauses and stares at him, alarmed. “Kuina?” he echoes.

Zoro puts his head in his hands and tried to blink away tears. His sister's name seems so wrong to say. He doesn't even deserve to say her name.

“Hey, hey,” Sanji says gently. His hands move up and down his arms gently. “Who's Kuina?”

Zoro's jaw trembles against his will as he looks up at Sanji. His eyes burn as they water. Half from exhaustion, half from his own salty tears.

“My-my sister,” he stutters out. “I want. I want my sister.”

“Zoro,” Sanji breathes. Pulls him close.

Zoro breathes against his shoulder, clings to Sanji's jacket. ”It's my fault. All my fault.”

“Hey, that's not true,” Sanji whispers. Kisses his forehead.

“It is.” Zoro barely swallows a sob. “I'm so stupid. I should've- I should've been better.”

“Zoro, hey, it’s alright.”

Once the sobbing starts, it won't stop. Zoro gasps desperately for breathes. His head pounds. His eyes burn. Tears spill down his cheeks, unstoppable and out of control. Sanji sits patiently. Rubs his back. Kisses his head.

“You're alright, Marimo. Let it out.”

By the time Zoro can finally breathe again, his head is killing him. He's ten times more exhausted than he was earlier.

“That's what you've been having nightmares about, isn’t it?” Sanji asks softly.

Zoro shudders. “I killed her,” he admits. Squeezes a few more tears from his eyes. “I got drunk like an idiot because it was my birthday. It’s all my fault.”

Sanji bends down to kiss the top of his head. “Keep talking, Zoro. You need to talk.”

“I-I crashed my car. She was coming to see me.” Another sob burst from his lips. “Somebody hit her and Ch-Chopper. It’s all my fault.”

“That's not your fault, Zoro. You didn't do that.”

“I did. I did. I'm so stupid.”

He did that. He killed Kuina. Took Chopper's mother from him. All because he wanted to get wasted and drive himself home. The roads had been slippery and his car had rolled twice. Kuina insisted on driving down to the hospital and some idiot had run a stoplight.

Chopper's screams from the waiting room will haunt him for the rest of his life.

“It's not,” Sanji insists.

Zoro curls closer to him. Desperate for his warmth.

“Get some sleep. You'll feel better if you get some sleep.”

Curled against Sanji, with his boyfriend's soft whispers of comfort, Zoro lets sleep take him.

 

Soft voices reach Zoro's ears. Tug at his consciousness.

“He's been out for a few hours. Can you get Chopper off the bus? I don’t want to move and wake him up.”

 

“He's alright, Chopper. Just really tired.”

Something soft touches Zoro’s cheek.

“He was sad, buddy. He misses your mom.”

Chopper's small body crawls up beside him, snuggles close to his chest.

 

“Luffy, shut up out there!”

 

When consciousness does fully return, Zoro is surrounded by warmth. Sanji is pressed against his back, Chopper against his chest. Luffy's loud snores fill the room. In the bright light of daylight, Zoro sees Luffy, Usopp and Nami asleep on Chopper's bed.

The door creaks as it opens and Vivi peaks into the room. Her long hair is pulled in a messy bun, oversized sweatshirt bunched in spots. Her gaze sweeps over the room and she gives Zoro a soft smile.

He returns it and carefully slips out from between the boys.

“How are you feeling?” Vivi asks as they make their way into the kitchen.

“Tired,” Zoro admits.

Somehow, exhaustion lingers in his bones. His headaches lightly as he sits down at the table. Vivi scoops some eggs onto a plate and fills a glass with orange juice.

“Does Sanji know you've been using his kitchen?” Zoro teases as she places both down in front of him.

Vivi smiles. “He was up late. I didn't want Luffy to wake him up because there was no food.”

“That's probably a good idea.” He smiles at her. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” She settles in the chair across from her. “Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah.” He takes a bite of the scrambled eggs. “I'm fine, thanks.”

Vivi shifts, almost uncomfortably. “You know it’s alright I'd you aren't, right?”

Zoro scoffs. “You guys keep telling me that.”

“Because it's true. We're your friends.”

“Yeah.”

“Listen, I'm not going to push you. We both know that’s not who I am. But, you're my friend. And I'm worried. Something's bothering you. And if you don’t want to talk to us, that's fine. If you don’t want to talk to Sanji, that's alright. But I wish you would talk to someone. You deserve to be happy. And feel good. And sleep at night.”

Zoro stares down at his plate. “Yeah.”

“You don't sound like you believe that.”

He bites his lip. Weighs the pros and cons of being honest with her. “I don't. I like the way. I like that you guys are my friends.”

Vivi waits patiently. Eyes hold no pity or disgust. Only calm curiosity.

“I'm screwed up. And I don’t want to be.”

“We're all a little screwed up, Zoro.”

“Not like me.” Zoro's voice breaks. “Not like me, Vivi.”

She reaches a hand across the table, doesn't touch him. Just leaves it there for him to decide. If he wants go be comforted or not.

Kuina would do that, when he was upset. Just sit and offer her presence. If he wanted it, he'd only have to touch her. Now, Vivi sits across the table, doing the same without any possible way of knowing.

Zoro takes her hand.

A soft smile crosses her face and she puts her other hand over his. “We embrace different, Zoro. Look at our friends. No matter what happened. No matter what you did or didn't do. How bad you think it is. You're our friend. And we'll fight to keep you. That's what being in this group means.”

Words won't come. He nods his understanding instead.

“And if I'm overstepping my bounds, you can tell me. But, when my mom died, I started seeing a therapist. He's really nice. And he's helped me through a lot. If you're interested, or if you think it should help to talk to someone outside the group, I can help you get an appointment set up.”

The doctor suggested that, last year when it all happened. Since then, Zoro hadn't given it a second thought. He didn't have the time nor the money. And, it’d be too difficult between school, work, and Chopper.

Now, he has plenty of time. Any of his friends are willing to watch Chopper.

“I can’t. Not right now.” He still can't afford it. “But, but maybe later?”

Vivi smiles and squeezes his hand. “Anytime you're ready, Zoro.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

Vivi allows him to sit in silence, cup of hot coco between her hands. Apparently, Sanji removed even the instant coffee from the house. Chopper is the first one to emerge from the bedroom. He flings himself into Zoro and clutches on tightly.

“Sorry if I worried you, buddy,” Zoro whispers.

Chopper replies with a sloppy kiss to his cheek. He settles onto Zoro lap and beams as Vivi sets a small plate in front of him. Usopp and Nami filter out slowly. Both giving Zoro smiles and ruffling Chopper's hair. Nami plants a kiss on Vivi's cheek and Luffy flies out with the speed of a rocket. He gives Zoro a once over and nods, clearly pleased with Zoro's appearance.

Sanji is the last to emerge. Hair stuck up in all directions. He kisses Zoro's cheek and Chopper's head before taking the seat beside them.

“Oh, Vivi, you didn't need to make breakfast. You could have woken me up,” he tells her as she sets a plate in front of him.

“Nonsense. You were exhausted. I was happy to help.”

Zoro leans toward him as the others go back to their own idol conversations. Kisses his bare shoulder softly. He's seen Nami do it to Vivi after a fight. Probably the way most couples make up. Hopefully, this is exactly what he’s supposed to do.

Sanji starts and blinks down at him. Confusion clear in his eyes, though it melts into affection after a small pause.

“I wanna talk, after you're done eating,” Zoro whispers. “Is that okay?”

Sanji smiles. Slips his hand into Zoro’s. “Of course.”

 

“I used to like to drink. When I was younger.”

Sanji sits beside him on his bed. One hand in Zoro's. Leaned against the wall and watching him with soft eyes.

“I-I was adopted, when I was eight. And the older I got, the more I realized that I didn't belong. And it made me angry. But, when I was drunk, I forgot how terrible I felt. So, I drank a lot. More than anyone should. My sister - Kuina - she got pregnant when I was fifteen. She never told us who the father was. Her father never really got over that. He was never nice to Chopper. So, she moved out as soon as she could. And, her father, I don't think he liked me much at the end either. I was always drunk. And got in fights. Just kind of a pain in the ass, you know?”

Sanji's thumb strokes softly over his hand. Zoro pulls in a deep breath.

“So, he, he'd never come pick me up. And I didn't want to bug Kuina. Last year, my friends threw a party for my birthday. And I was hammered. We were gonna get busted. And I-I was so stupid. I got in my car and I rolled it.” Tears leak down his cheeks. Phantom aches run down his leg. “Kuina was my emergency contact. She put Chopper in the car and she was coming to see me. And some idiot in a truck decided he didn't want to wait for the red light. He smashed into her side of the car. Killed them both.”

Sanji's hand tightens around his

“It was all my fault. I'm a bad person.”

“Zoro.” Sanji pulls him into a hug. “You're not a bad person.”

“She was the only person who really cared about me.” It takes all of Zoro’s willpower not to break down again. “And I killed her.”

“You didn't kill her,” Sanji whispers. “You didn't kill her and you're not a bad person.”

“Are you guys gonna hate me?”

Everyone, every single person Zoro thought cared about him, vanished as soon as his life fell apart. As soon as all of them realized what a mess Zoro really is.

“Of course not.” Sanji's voice trembles as he buries his nose in Zoro’s hair. “God, Zoro, of course not.”

“I killed her. I killed Kuina. I ruined Chopper's life.”

“Stop,” Sanji tells him firmly. “You didn't kill anyone.”

Zoro lets out a sob. Sanji’s lips press against his scalp.

“You're okay, Zoro. I'm right here. You're okay. Chopper's okay.”

“I'm not,” Zoro admits around a sob. “I'm not okay.”

Sanji's quiet for a minute. “That's alright,” he whispers. “It’s alright to not be okay, Zoro. You don't have to be okay all of the time. When you need a break, that's what we're here for.”

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm fucked up.”

“Hey.” Sanji’s hands cup his cheeks and bring his head up. “Hey, Zoro, if you think you're the only person in this group who feels fucked up. You're not, I promise.”

Zoro lets out a shaky breath. Feels a shudder rush through him.

“You don’t have to be perfect, Zoro. And if you think for a minute, that thinking you're a little fucked up is going to run me off, you're wrong. I care about you. Our friends care about you. So, if you need to not be okay, then don't give it a second thought. We've got you, okay?”

Zoro curls closer to him, voice stuck in his throat. Sanji kisses his head.

“We're going to be okay.”

 

“Are you ever going to give me back my coffee pot?” Zoro asks.

“When you learn to drink coffee responsibly.”

“Finals are in like three weeks. How the hell am I supposed to study with no coffee?”

“I'm sure we can find a way to keep you awake.”

Sanji kisses his neck, just under his ear. Zoro frowns at him, facade fading quickly as his boyfriend grins up at him.

“You're the worst.”

“And yet, you keep me around.”

Zoro rolls his eyes. “For God only knows what reason.”

Sanji kisses his cheek again and moves back to the stove. “It's almost three-thirty. Chopper's bus will be here any minute.”

“I know.” Zoro rests his elbow on the table. “Why are you making so much food?”

“Everyone’s coming over for game night.”

“They do that once a week. You never make this much food.” Zoro frowns. Tries to think of any reason the gang would be getting together for any kind of celebration. Only one thing pops into his mind. “Oh, God. You're not throwing me a birthday party. Please, tell me you aren't throwing me a birthday party.”

“I'm not throwing you a birthday party,” Sanji says matter-of-factly. “It's more of a birthday dinner.”

“Sanji,” Zoro moans.

“I know, I know. I'm sorry.” The cook sounds genuinely sorry as he turns to face Zoro. “I told Nami no, but Chopper overheard and he looked so excited. We just couldn't tell him no.”

Zoro groans. The one thing he can’t argue with. An excited Chopper. Sanji gives him a sympathetic smile and rubs his back.

“You're a good uncle.” With a kiss to the head, Sanji shoves him toward the door. “I'll make it up to you.”

“The only thing that can fix this is coffee.”

“We'll see.”

The bus pulls to a stop just as Zoro makes it down the steps of the building. Chopper rushes off the bus with a wide grin on his face and throws himself into Zoro’s arms.

“There’s my boy.” Zoro hoists the young boy onto his hip and gives the bus driver a wave as he pulls off. “Did you have a good day at school?”

Chopper nods, grinning widely. He jabs a finger up toward their apartment. Not an ounce of enthusiasms leaves the boy.

“Sanji's already making the dinner,” Zoro sighs.

Chopper beams and wraps him in a tight hug. Zoro sighs and rubs his back.

“Yeah, I'm excited too, buddy.”

Excited that he's going to get his coffee pot back after this. Because coffee sounds damn good.

“Zoro!” Nami calls. “Chopper!”

She waves furiously at him from down the street, a gift bag in one hand, dragging Vivi along. Usopp trails behind them, desperately trying to keep a cake box away from Luffy. Chopper releases Zoro to wave back at them, both arms going madly.

A smile pulls at Zoro's lips despite himself.

Chopper is safe. Healthy. And happy.

He's okay.

Zoro isn’t. Not yet. But, that's alright. Somehow, he ended up with people that care about him and his nephew.

So, he might not be okay at the moment. But he will be.

“I was worried you’d disappear on us,” Nami tells him.

Vivi elbows her. “Be nice! It's his birthday.”

Chopper giggles.

Zoro rolls his eyes. “Come on, Sanji's working on dinner.”

Still giggling, Chopper wiggles his way out of Zoro’s grip and into the arms of a grinning Luffy. The group head up to the apartment, all chattering excitedly.

“Hey, Vivi.” Zoro catches Vivi’s arm before she makes it to the door.

She pauses as the others disappear into the apartment. “What's up?”

“That-um- You -uh. The therapist you were telling me about.” He pauses. Rocks on his toes. “Was he expensive?”

“Oh.” She blinks thoughtfully. “I'm not sure. My insurance paid for it.”

Of course her insurance paid for it. Exactly what Zoro needs but doesn't have.

“Oh.” Disappointment fills him. That's what he gets for getting his hopes up. “Alright. Thanks.”

“Zoro.” Vivi snatches his hand before he can walk away. “Wait. If-if its money you're worried about-”

Zoro can already see where this is going. “Viv.”

She ignores him and continues on. “I can help you. Sanji can help you.”

“Vivi.”

“Look, I know that this is hard for you, Zoro, I do. But you’re my friend. And I’m worried about you. And you want to feel better. I want you to feel better. So let me help you.”

Zoro bites his bottom lip. “I don’t even know if it’s going to do me any good.”

“It can’t hurt to try. Just go once. Okay? I'll help you pay for it. It’s our secret. I promise.”

Zoro fights the tears that threaten to spill. “What if it doesn't fix me?”

Vivi's gaze softens. “You're not broken. You just need some help. And that's okay.”

“Vivi, I, I can’t waste money on me.”

“It's not a waste if it makes you feel better, Zoro.” She pauses and squeezes his hand. “Please, let me help you.”

Zoro lets out a long breath. “I'll think about it.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I promise.”

She nods. “Okay.”

“Vivi,” Zoro says before she can disappear again. “If I decided to try this.” He pauses. Tries to think through how he wants to word it. “Would you. Could you watch Chopper for me?”

Her eyes light up. “Of course.”

Zoro smiles. “Alright. I'll think about it.”

 

His dinner party isn’t quite as horrible as Zoro feared it would be. They don't bring up his birthday. Apart from Nami presenting him with his gift, a new coffee machine. Sanji is infuriated. Zoro thinks it's hilarious.

By ten that night, Luffy as disappeared to Usopp's for the night (“This is your birthday present, Zoro! You and Sanji have the whole apartment to yourself!”) and Vivi dragged Nami off to let them relax. With Chopper in bed, Sanji drags Zoro onto the couch for cuddles.

“Thank you,” Sanji whispers. “I know you didn't want to do that.”

“Wasn’t bad,” Zoro replies. “It made Chopper happy.”

Sanji kisses his temple. “You're a good uncle.”

“I try.”

Zoro closes his eyes and leans into the warmth of his boyfriend. They lay in silence for a moment. Just enjoy each other's company.

“Vivi offered to set me up with her therapist,” Zoro says.

“Oh?” Sanji's content voice hums. “Do you want to go?”

Zoro stares down at Sanji's hands. “I don’t know.”

“Well, if you decide you want to go, that's okay. Anything that makes you feel better is worth a shot.”

“Yeah. But, maybe, don't you think I should get Chopper in first? They wanted me to take him. But, I never got the chance. Shit. I should've just bit the bullet and done it. Took a fucking loan out for college but I wasn’t smart enough to take one out-”

“Stop.” Sanji kisses his temple again. “Don't do that.”

“I should've been better.”

“Zoro,” Sanji whispers. “You did the best you could.”

“It wasn’t good in enough.”

“It’s been more than enough. You're such a good uncle. You've made Chopper so happy.” Sanji's soft hands run through his hair. “He’s happy. And he's healthy. You've done great, Zoro.”

Zoro shudders against Sanji's touch. Sanji kisses his cheek. Buries his nose in Zoro's neck.

“I think you should try it. It might make you feel better. And, if you think it's helping you, then you know it will help Chopper. Think of it as a test run for both of you.”

“I guess.” He shifts in Sanji's grip.

“I'll pay for your first session, okay?”

“What? No.” Had Vivi told him that Zoro was worried about money? He doubts it. But how else does he know? Is Zoro really so pathetic that everyone knows he has money problems?

“Yes,” Sanji replies firmly. “It’ll be your birthday present, alright?”

“Cook, I can-”

“Please don't lie to me,’ Sanji whispers. “I don't want you scrambling around, working more hours and losing sleep again when I can help you.”

“I don't want your money.”

Sanji smiles. “I know you don't. You want me around for me. I've never doubted that, Zoro. And I never will. Let me do this, alright? Let me help you.”

“You guys help me too much.”

Sanji scoffs. “This is what friends are for, dummy. If you were in our position, you’d do the same thing.”

“I don't even know what to do in therapy.”

“You just talk. You don't have to dive right into what's bothering you. You can start slow. Talk about your friends and your job and Chopper. They know what they're doing. They'll lead you in the direction.”

“Alright,” Zoro says around a sigh. “I'll try it.”

 

“Got Doctor?”

Chopper nods.

“All the movies you want?”

Another nod.

“Got your mittens and hat?”

Chopper gives him an exasperated sigh, waving his hands -covered in mittens- to his head- covered by a hat.

Zoro smiled and squats down to hug him. “You be good for Vivi and Nami, alright? I'll be back to pick you up in a couple of hours.”

Chopper kissed his cheek before he prances back over to hold Vivi’s hand. She beams at him as well as he stands up again.

“I'm glad you're doing this.”

Zoro nods. “Yeah. Thanks for, you know. Everything.”

“What are friends for?” Vivi sweeps Chopper into her arms. “See you when you get back.”

Zoro gives them a wave before he slips into Sanji’s arm. The full strength of the heater blasts against his cool skin and Sanji waits until Vivi and Chopper disappear into her apartment to start driving.

Normally, Zoro would just walk. Or take the bus. But it's a forty-five-minute drive to the outer part of the city. So, Sanji insisted on driving him.

“Why'd we have to make the appointment so early?” Zoro asks.

He barely bites back a yawn.

“Because it's the only time he had available,” Sanji replies. He pulls a small bag out of the console. “Here, I made you breakfast.”

Zoro smiles and snatches the breakfast sandwich away. “You're the best.”

“I know.”

Looking around the car for napkins, Zoro spots a commenter mug sitting in the cup holders. The sweet smell of coffee reaches his nose.

“That's for you too,” Sanji says.

“You bought me coffee?”

Sanji fixes him with a firm glare. “Don't get used to it. You're on a one per day limit.”

“You can't do that!” Zoro protests.

“I'm your boyfriend. I can do whatever I want.”

“First you're on me about food. Now, about my coffee.”

“I know. God forbid I be concerned about you.”

Zoro laughs and leans over to kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”

Sanji smiles at him.

Something strange settled in Zoro’s stomach. A feeling he can't quite place. But it warms him. Makes him feel lighter.

For the first time in years, Zoro thinks he might feel a bit better.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I'm not the biggest ZoSan shipper in the world, so I'm sorry if everyone seems out of character. Though, with Modern Aus, what can you do? *shrugs* I hope you guys enjoyed. And happy ZoSan week guys! I hope its a great one!


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